Legit obsessed with this show. I want to live in a treehouse.
alaina | 23 | valdosta
"the moon did not have to be full for us to love it."
☉ ♋ ☾♈ ASC ♋ MC ♈ • Ask
almost brave
i wonder if i’ll delete this.
so, my ex boyfriend from years ago has been steady harassing me since we broke up.
when i say “harassing” i mean legitimately, incessantly contacting and bullying me. he blatantly disregards my wishes to not talk to him. if i ignore his calls, he finds me on facebook. if i block him on facebook, he emails me. if i ignore his emails, he finds some way to contact me again. he talks down to me and insults any opinion i have. he verbally expresses his fetishism of violent rape, knowing my history (he did not express this fetishism when we dated…obviously) and saying questionable things in that vein. when i express discomfort, it just gets more graphic, or he whines that i just don’t understand.
he is convinced that he loves me, and that he truly cares about my wellbeing. he has told me he loves me so many times, but he never ever said it when we were together. he is convinced that every cruel thing he says, every horrible memory he invokes…that is love, that he only hurts me because he cares about me. he has told me he will always love me, no matter what.
sometimes he tries to bring about emotions by recalling things we did together and, on one occasion, he returned to me a very emotional email that i had written to him ages ago and subsequently forgotten about. he blatantly attempts to manipulate me. i have tried to move on but he finds me. sometimes he will leave me alone for months and then “surprise” me with a friendly message.
this has been going on since 2011. when he isn’t attempting to contact me, i wonder if he is just sitting there, trying to think of the most terrible thing he can say to me to throw down my guard. or just figuring out a new way to get in touch with me. sometimes i wonder if he will just show up in valdosta one day and approach me where i work or something crazy. these are valid and legitimate fears. he is making me a little crazy and i am suffering a bit for it.
i had to write it here because, although many of my closer friends know the extent of this and how long it has dragged on, this felt necessary. i need to expose him to everyone. when i moved it did not stop him. i hope he knows about my tumblr and he’s reading this and he knows that i am fucking calling the police next time he talks to me. i’m not afraid anymore. but i want him to know that i never wanted to view him this way. he did all of this to himself.
